And now, for a peek into the borderline insane mind of =
NintendoLover4ever... enter at your own risk! XDDDD
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I've begun to feel a bit like I'm good at nothing.
I don't know much about driving. I've never had a job, so I don't know about either of those.
I'm a pretty good student, but I slack -- sometimes deliberately -- and
believe me when I say that there are plenty of students
far better than me who actually want to
do something that the rest of the world would smile upon.
I'm okay at housework, but I have my clumsy moments. Just today, I spilled about 3 cups of water all over the kitchen counter. Thankfully, my parents never scold me for it, but it's still embarrassing, especially during those times when you think that in the end, in a way, you're the best person ever.
I'm bad about the school newspaper. Recently, I sent in my best article ever. However, I still feel like I can't stack up. Additionally, it was an editorial, in which the reporter has more freedom. If I get any other section, it's going to be sub-par work for me. I'm good enough not to get nitpicked on, but I'm not so great that I'm praised.
In fact, does anyone other than the English teachers actually read that thing? Even worse...I'm
really bad about the Senior Project. If I haven't mentioned it here, what I'm doing is using the Alice program, which is meant to teach object-oriented programming. However, I
really haven't done anything with it, jossing the advice ~
EspeonStar gave me near the end of last year. I just... can't... get myself to do it!
The
point of the Senior Project is to work hard at something you're
passionate about. Sure, they recommend something you can use in your career, but it's not
required. Besides, come on. How many students really know what they're going to do?
But, hey. Guess which route I took anyway?
I
wanted to do something related to writing -- I really did. It would have been the perfect opportunity to a. come up with something completely original and b.
finish something.
But, no. I took the oh-so tentative career path instead. And now I don't want it anymore.
Even my English teacher from last year was surprised... Another sign. I want to change it, but I'm scared that it may be too late. And where in God's name would I find a Project Facilitator for that?
Besides, the one I have now has already put in time... I'd feel bad about revealing that it was wasted.Which leads effectively into two more grievances. First, I'm too soft. I let my parents convince me to take the Alice route, and when I told my dad this morning, he just advised me to continue, making the most of it.
This softness also leads to a weak spot whenever the assignment is competitive. And my AP Language class has many competitive assignments. Why, just today, we did a Socratic seminar, in which points are awarded for asking good questions and giving intelligent input.
The problem is, I come out of those things more confused than when I go in, regardless of whether I'm commenting or questioning. Today was particularly bad. I shut down a quarter of the way in. Almost dang fell asleep, too (but no one noticed).
Which leads to my final grievance. Writing. AP Language is about writing. Most of the stuff I do links back somehow to writing.
However, I
really suck at writing essays for that class. There are some finesses that aren't sinking in very well. And you know the way better students that I mentioned? Yeah. We have at least two of them in that class alone.
I dream of having a
really successful and moving fic. I also dream about writing a novel or two and getting published someday. However, in light of some of the sheer
genius writing I've seen in my years, I feel less and less capable of something
that detailed,
that well-planned,
that good.But it's all I really care about doing in the end. After all, amidst the despair, bursts of inspiration pour out, and I keep the thoughts ready to etch down when the time comes. So I write anyway.
But the rest of it? In short:
FUCK.
MY.
LIFE.Makes me want to not go to college anymore. And send a message out: "Not even this school, so renowned, is good enough for me, Gancena the person."
Even makes me kinda wanna quit school... I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my days with Mami and Papi...
Tags: real life, oh dear, FML, writing
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends for life~! X3 



CSS created by
. Luv you, babe~
WTF? I'm actually joining clubs!? 
Founder/Administrator of: 
Member of: 



LOL THAT'S TOTALLY HOW IT HAPPENED 